All geared up

I have been participating in the November challenge, to be creative everyday. So far, I found I am bad at posting every day and I also don't have much time to do anything major or note worth. I have been doodling in my in-between time. I wanted to make sure I do something everyday but it is very bare minimal.

The side of me that wishes I got married to someone to support me and I would have all the time to do crafts and art, comes out...but that is not me and not what I chose.
I have a surgery coming up and I have been pre-occupied getting ready. I will have some down time while recuperating, if I can move around, it might be good to have that time creatively. (if I don't get caught up on watching stupid TV) I have tons of SIDE PROJECT ideas and I hope to get to some of them. Right now I have about 14 hours a day dedicated to work. I shouldn't have much of an excuse, however, so far I am disappointed in myself for not having much to show by now (Nov. 8th.)

Pumpkin time

Yikes, I'm a little behind posting my creative stuff updates.

 

What is in store this week. Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts. Wheels are moving (kinda squeaky from all the rust)

I need some shots of myself, which I am not a huge fan of but I figure if I get them done creatively, they won’t be so hard to do. I know I don’t want them to look like Sears portraits (no offense) but more like an album cover if possible.

I also would like to get some Holiday Pictures done for my family. That may be near to impossible, but Christmas is the day of miracles. None-the-less, I need to find that battery charger or get a new one.  That is the practical side. For now I am creating ideas for the shoots. That is the fun part.

I have a lot going on in my life, very positive movements which I am excited to get to, somethings/people I have had to say goodbye to.

Life goes on. I carved pumpkins last night tres cute and fun:)

Challenge Accepted

I have just signed up for the Creative every day Month (November) challenge. This is kinda a more hard core approach (yet all in fun terms) to motivate myself. I still suck at most art work I do but I do have fun doing it, I am assuming that is the purpose!
anyone can join:
http://creativeeveryday.com/art-every-day-month

I plan on posting everyday and doing projects every day but... ya know;)
This month I will get ready. All my supplies out, and ideas (because lets face it that is the hardest part, coming up with the ideas) if I am all set for 30 projects then maybe just maybe I will have some X-mas presents too. Oh the surprise on my families' faces when they open them. Exciting!~NmTi

Anti-Photoshop Angst

I have been working on my portfolio for my photography. After all this time f'ing around with doodles and fingerprinting I am actually doing something productive for myself. This project is way over due and I have started on it before...

A little soul searching came to me as I was putting it together. My photography requires no photoshop. Sure I need some photoshop usage to get rid of model's unshaved pits or occasional jogger running in the background of my shot, but mostly I do everything upfront when I take the picture. This is how I was taught...some few years ago. I learned on shooting film. Film for movies and photography. You prepare for the shot, get the lighting right use filters think of composition, bracket, test, and just plain know (or feel) what the shot will look like instead of instantly viewing if the shot is good. I would then have to take the exposed film and process it. Then go to the darkroom, make a print and maybe spot a few minor imperfections but mostly it is ready to mount and display. This process has taught me the eye of photography and learn how to do it correctly. (also a storage area full of prints)

Soon after I graduated digital came about. Now I see "photographers" using auto mode on their camera and shooting 20 pictures of one thing, view it to see if they got something then take it straight to photoshop. There they can add filters, make the sky blue, adjust exposures, make it B&W or even use a vignette.

I have lost the heart for film/ photo taking because of this. It is mass-production and now a lost art form to me. I don't see the value of true talent as I did before. Maybe my photography was raw and gritty but it was real. It's been hard for me to deal with this. Losing your passion for what was once your whole life is heart breaking. It's borderline depressing really. I haven't wanted to shoot anything or do anything creative because I just don't have it in me anymore.

I am trying to "force" myself to pick up my digital camera and shoot things again. Just see what happens. I don't have a lot or any money for fancy equipment or effect packages and I hate that the person with the most high tech devices are considered better photographers. I need to look past that aspect of things though. I do have something, and that is my film making (story telling) background. If I can incorporate that into my photography I should be golden. Now I just need, models, locations, lights/studio and TIME. But I still feel I should get this done, at least, to see how I feel about it.
With all that said, I am trying to find something else with a tangible physical true to art format. I have been thinking of taking some metalsmith classes and get into sculpting. That would be amazing until they figure out a way to computerize that too.

My time with Nature

I want to write an update on my a previous blog: going out into Nature and writing a poem was very good intentionally, but I came up with 2 songs: One about James Franco;
"Disconnected in this Dream without you, James Franco
Don't know what to do without you, James Franco.
I want to go inside your head and plant the seeds of burning bread...James Franco...
Ohhhh oh James Franco"
Not much to do with Nature though
Then I started on another song based on the Major Tom songs from Bowie and The Voters: I wanted to do one from the view point of the Major Tom's wife.
"They tell me I must wear a smile on my face, It shows faith in the program as your man is lost in space. I read in the paper that it's all a hoax, I overhear all the tasteless jokes.
...I keep it together all alone.
... the Space man's bones will be found....
The cameras flash all over the place, capturing all the feeling I embrace.
Designers will call me to wear their dress, must look good while inside I am a mess.
...Come to the station to hear his voice one more time...Mrs. Tom"

Obviously, I was not inspired by greatness but rather some weird thoughts that ran into my head and I had the time to explore these thoughts in different ways.

Not too convinced I am using my time wisely....

Organizing one self

     When trying to be creative I find it very difficult to stay on task. One of the reasons I have, come to find out, is because I am so unorganized. As an artist, what appears as clutter may not always reflect chaos. Why do I sound like a Chinese proverb all of a sudden. I was drawing a doodle, which I am getting good at doodles (wow the sheer talent) I then needed to sharpen my pencil, which then turned into a task of searching for a device to sharpen with. I looked high and low, even my make-up drawer...nothing. I tried a knife which caused a minor cut and I had to then find a band-aid. This is so unproductive. I left the doodle where it was since I forgot all about it until I saw it the next day. I had no interest in continuing it.

     I often wonder, why I studied photography in school but haven't picked up my camera in over a year. I lost the passion for something I loved more than life. I have a on going excuse, "I can't find the battery" that seemed to help me ignore photography. I really want to get back into it and I actually really do need to find my battery.

I had set up a little office/studio space in the corner of my room which now collects the paper trail of past bills that need to be filed. Why do I feel like the last thing I want to do is sit down and be creative. It is like pulling teeth. 

     I keep thinking something must be wrong with me. Maybe it is all the drugs and drinking I do that has ceased my love for art. I wish it was that simple. I don't do drugs or drink which I can also in turn say "maybe that is my problem". Stress from my job and lack of time and money is what I figured was my problem, however, when I was in school I had no time or money which pressured me into thinking out of the box and pushed me beyond my creative limits. In school, there were assignments and deadlines. Nope, I have had deadlines and still haven't come through for myself. 

Ultimately, I do feel one of my biggest excuses is not knowing where my tools are so I want to start there. 

     I also have grand ideas that use seem way to big for me. Those ideas are in my "big idea" file area in my brain. Flooding my thoughts and sitting there stagnantly just taking up space.

Here was one of my ideas A book I started on a series I did. All I had to do was upload and done. I was almost finished when I stopped about 5 years ago. Here is a "not finished but you get the idea" cover art of the book. 

It would be wonderful if I can finish something amazing this year and get that feeling of accomplishment I use to have. I really miss who I use to be. For now, no more excuses, and get to work. But first....I'm gonna get organized. (creatively)

inspirational quotes-Hello you

Since I am the only one who reads this blog I'm going to speak with myself.
Hello!! I am you...I wish you well. I was reading Walden (Baker Farm) and found some quotes I thought would help you out. I know you are feeling stuck and stagnant lately and maybe even hopeless at times so I have something for you to think about;
"Rise free from care before the dawn, and seek adventures." 
"We should come home from far, from adventures, and perils, and discoveries every day, with new experience and character"
oh how I wish I could live like Thoreau did in Walden, where I can observe and meditate and reflect on things around me. Nothing but time and being alone. But I can't...

I appreciate your efforts in creating art but really you get cooped up every moment you have doing art (or rather what you pass off as art). You must find some balance go out once in awhile seek out adventures. There always seems so much to do and never enough time, so let's try this weekend coming up Labor Day weekend. Spend more times outdoors. It's the last bit of summer for some people, even though you live in Ca. and it is always summer, live for those that don't have great weather all the time. Promise?
And to give you that art spin...come up with a poem about your time outdoors. Thanks~K