My time with Nature

I want to write an update on my a previous blog: going out into Nature and writing a poem was very good intentionally, but I came up with 2 songs: One about James Franco;
"Disconnected in this Dream without you, James Franco
Don't know what to do without you, James Franco.
I want to go inside your head and plant the seeds of burning bread...James Franco...
Ohhhh oh James Franco"
Not much to do with Nature though
Then I started on another song based on the Major Tom songs from Bowie and The Voters: I wanted to do one from the view point of the Major Tom's wife.
"They tell me I must wear a smile on my face, It shows faith in the program as your man is lost in space. I read in the paper that it's all a hoax, I overhear all the tasteless jokes.
...I keep it together all alone.
... the Space man's bones will be found....
The cameras flash all over the place, capturing all the feeling I embrace.
Designers will call me to wear their dress, must look good while inside I am a mess.
...Come to the station to hear his voice one more time...Mrs. Tom"

Obviously, I was not inspired by greatness but rather some weird thoughts that ran into my head and I had the time to explore these thoughts in different ways.

Not too convinced I am using my time wisely....

Organizing one self

     When trying to be creative I find it very difficult to stay on task. One of the reasons I have, come to find out, is because I am so unorganized. As an artist, what appears as clutter may not always reflect chaos. Why do I sound like a Chinese proverb all of a sudden. I was drawing a doodle, which I am getting good at doodles (wow the sheer talent) I then needed to sharpen my pencil, which then turned into a task of searching for a device to sharpen with. I looked high and low, even my make-up drawer...nothing. I tried a knife which caused a minor cut and I had to then find a band-aid. This is so unproductive. I left the doodle where it was since I forgot all about it until I saw it the next day. I had no interest in continuing it.

     I often wonder, why I studied photography in school but haven't picked up my camera in over a year. I lost the passion for something I loved more than life. I have a on going excuse, "I can't find the battery" that seemed to help me ignore photography. I really want to get back into it and I actually really do need to find my battery.

I had set up a little office/studio space in the corner of my room which now collects the paper trail of past bills that need to be filed. Why do I feel like the last thing I want to do is sit down and be creative. It is like pulling teeth. 

     I keep thinking something must be wrong with me. Maybe it is all the drugs and drinking I do that has ceased my love for art. I wish it was that simple. I don't do drugs or drink which I can also in turn say "maybe that is my problem". Stress from my job and lack of time and money is what I figured was my problem, however, when I was in school I had no time or money which pressured me into thinking out of the box and pushed me beyond my creative limits. In school, there were assignments and deadlines. Nope, I have had deadlines and still haven't come through for myself. 

Ultimately, I do feel one of my biggest excuses is not knowing where my tools are so I want to start there. 

     I also have grand ideas that use seem way to big for me. Those ideas are in my "big idea" file area in my brain. Flooding my thoughts and sitting there stagnantly just taking up space.

Here was one of my ideas A book I started on a series I did. All I had to do was upload and done. I was almost finished when I stopped about 5 years ago. Here is a "not finished but you get the idea" cover art of the book. 

It would be wonderful if I can finish something amazing this year and get that feeling of accomplishment I use to have. I really miss who I use to be. For now, no more excuses, and get to work. But first....I'm gonna get organized. (creatively)